Here’s a question I got this week from a reader of RevTrev.com. It’s a desperate situation from someone who’s trying to do what’s right. If you any insight on this, please make sure you leave your comments below. I know she’ll appreciate your help. I’ve withheld the names and removed clues to the location. You can read my answers to more questions here.
My husband has 2 adult sons and they are both married with children.
I have a daughter and she is 25 and lives on her on.
My stepson had been sending my daughter sexual text messages and they were bad. We confronted him and told him to stop and told him if he has a problem with sexual he needs to see get help. He promised he would stop but about 3 months later he woke my daughter up at 1 am by texting her wanting to come to her house to have sex with her. My daughter went to my parents house the rest of the night.
Me and my husband told his wife and showed her all the messages that he sent my daughter. She was very hurt. Well all of this made my other stepson mad because we told on his brother so he confronted me and told me I had no right starting trouble with his brother and wife. So things got pretty heated up with them and me and my husband. The last thing they told me I could no longer see my granddaughter.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I told him his brother was wrong and he said his brother could do no wrong and him and his wife told me to stay away from my granddaughter because she is nothing to me now and I wasn’t family anymore.
Me and my husband haven’t seen our granddaughter in 6 months. We have tried to reason with them and told them they should have stayed out of it but they wouldn’t.
I told them I was sorry for hurting them in any way. I thought saying we were sorry they may let us see our granddaughter but even that didn’t work.
I have been praying for them . I pray God will soften their hearts.
I never seen Christians act that way especially if someone is the wrong. It is crazy.
We went to church together and now they have quit and are going somewhere else.
We have talked to our pastor and he is so shocked. He called my stepson wanting to talk with them and he told our pastor he would not have a meeting. Our pastor told him it was wrong because they won’t let us see our granddaughter because of what his brother did. He said he just see thing different from the way we see them. My stepson told our pastor he didn’t want to talk to him.
I just don’t get it. None of us do. I know I am so hurt for they way they have treated my daughter and wont let us see our granddaughter. None of it makes sense. . That all I know to say for now . It is so upsetting and I get mad but God is helping me. Thank God.
Hope you can give us some advice
Your step-sons call themselves Christians?
I know from experience there is more involved. Usually when there’s a reaction like that to sin, it comes from disbelief, a shaking of systems, or from pain from past wounds.
If they are Christians, keep praying for the Holy Spirit to speak to them. It’s the will of God you’re agreeing with. They are His sheep they will (eventually) hear His voice.
Even if they aren’t Christians you can do what Christ did on the cross when He said “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they’re doing.”
It’s called identificational repentance. We’ve seen attitudes change overnight and over time as we’ve stood in the place of people acting stupid and asked God to forgive them.
Keep showing them love to the extent they will let you show them love. Your job is to love. It’s up to them how they respond. I know you must be angry. That’s understandable. Just don’t sin in your anger.
I really get the sense that there’s more to it what you can share in an email…the reaction of the one son and his wife seems completely irrational. I would be interested to hear how they rationalize it. I suspect this might have been the “straw that broke the camel’s back” and saying sorry isn’t enough.
Can you ask them how you can built a relationship back with them?
Don’t tell them this, but it’s for their sake as much as their child’s. Too often I see the measure parents use to judge others measured out on them by their kids later in life.
I don’t know if any of this helps. Would you mind if I posted it on revtrev.com? Maybe someone else has more insight than I do and can comment?