Should I Be Begging God to Change My Deadbeat Husband?

Here’s a question from a reader who is going through a difficult situation. You can leave her your encouragement in the comments.

 

questions and answers from revtrevQuestion:

I am so much confuse right now.  I wanted to move from the heartaches and for being abandon of a husband. We just married for almost 4 years but I never felt being loved instead he showed how he had hurt me for having an affair to many women and worse had already a child of their own.

He returned to us and I forgave but again he continue with his sin.

I am trying to forget him because he left us again but i am still hoping and praying that God will change him.

For almost 4 years of crying out to the Lord that He would change him why is it he gets even more worse. I love him as my husband even he doesn’t cares on me. Is it right of begging the Lord that he will give  my husband  and be transformed. Is he not the will of God for me? I have a hard time understanding  the plans of God. Please send me a message of wisdom to fully know the will of God?

Answer:

My prayers are with you. I’ve learned it’s much better to agree with God than beg him. What is His promise for you and your children, and all who are far off? I know at least it’s the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:39). There are a lot of more promises you can pray in agreement with God for your life. Don’t stop with that one.

That being said, your husband has broken his vow and his covenant with you. You are not bound to it. IF you choose to continue to show him love, I strongly suggest boundaries.

In either case, if you try to reconcile again or if you go your own way, keep on forgiving him. It’s for the sake of your relationship with God, not your relationship with him. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting, it means turning him over into God’s hand. Paul told Timothy (1 Timothy 1:20) that he turned to people over to satan so they “would be taught not to blaspheme.” It seems to me that blaspheming is one of the things you’re husband is doing. He’s blasphemed his covenant, you and therefore God.

I’m assuming this doesn’t matter to him, but in 1 Corinthians 7:14-15 Paul is talking about a Christian spouse living with an unbelieving spouse. He says,

 

For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

 

So you sanctify your husband with the grace you’ve accepted from God. Removing that sanctification from him is “turning him over to satan”.

If you’re not ready to do that, another thing you can do is stand in his place before God and ask for forgiveness. Jesus did this on the cross when he prayed “Father forgive them, for they don’t know what to do”. When we do that for people we pray for who only seem to get worse, we find they often get a lot better.

I hope something in that helps. I really felt I needed to get something out to you quickly. I am praying for you.

Trevor

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