A great way to start conversations on Twitter is to tweet out things that make people smile. Here are 35 of my favourite ones.
1- I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2- Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.
3- Half the people you know are below average.
4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name
5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8- If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9- All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
12- OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
13- How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16- When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy .
18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19- I intend to live forever; so far, so good
20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23- My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25- If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33- Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
34 – If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work
35 – If Cinderella’s slipper fit only her perfectly, why did it fall off in the first place?
Do you have more you can add? Include them in the comments, let’s make a great list for people.
I just enjoyed reading this list!! I’ll just like to add:
An eye foe an eye will accomplish nothingbut a blind world.
Fear knocked at the door and Faith answered it.
You are never too old to believe.
Thanks Yvone… Happy tweeting!
that my book could not be had on campus besauce it had the banned symbol of a skull and crossbones on it. The book was A General History of Pyrates (full title: A General History of the Robberies and Murders of the Most Notorious Pyrates) written by a Captain Charles Johnson (a pseudonym). I refused to remove the book, but I was still astounded at the disquieting state of the public school system here including the same school’s habit of yanking all the kids out of class, lining them up in the parking lot for an hour or more, while they went down the row to determine who was acceptable in the manner of their dress, and who was not, and those non-conformist youths were subsequently punished by being banned from the school’s society. Some things never change.
Don’t think you’re a victim for not following someone’s rules. It just wasn’t the target market for your book. I’m doing a workshop to help authors create their effective 6 month book marketing plan. Sign up at http://iBookShepherd.com to be the first to know about it.
This is a good list. I admit it is something that I need to start working on as soon as possible. I have not been very good with this but I am willing to improve. That you for the suggestions.
Thanks Ann. Use these anytime you’d like.