I won’t go into the details of when I first heard this question but I can tell you, although it has the appearance of wisdom, it shows a lack of Biblical understanding.
Q. Christ doesn’t forgive me until I ask for it, so shouldn’t I wait to forgive someone until they ask for it?
No. First, you aren’t the Father. You don’t have His capacity for grace. Second, understand that you forgive for your sake, not theirs. Third, take a look at what Christ said in Matthew 18:
Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. So the servant fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ And the lord of that servant felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt. But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servant who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. So when his fellow servants saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. Then summoning him, his lord said to him, ‘You wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. ‘Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow servant, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”
Matthew 18:21-35 (NASB)
Christ said in this parable that if we don’t forgive another from our hearts, torturers will be assigned to us. If you don’t forgive someone until they ask for forgiveness, you’re actually letting them keep you imprisoned.
Unforgiveness is like drinking poison to hurt someone else.
Don’t be mistaken, in this parable the second servant owed the first one 100 days worth of salary – that’s about pay for a 3rd of a year . It was not an insignificant amount.
You may have some horrible wrongs done to you. You still must choose to forgive. Put the offender in the Father’s hand. He will make all things right. Trust Him. He’s good.
I completely agree with you. Often times we treat forgivening others as if it’s a gift that we offer to them. Forgiveness doesnt really have much to do with others. Rather forgiveness is a gift (from God) to ourselves. Why? Holding on to hurt keeps us in bondage but when we forgive we release our own selves from bondage. Sometimes we struggle with forgiving because our pride has been hurt. We think to ourselves, how could they do that to me? I didn’t desrve that when in fact we deserve worse but thankfully God has not given us what we deserve. When we recognise what forgiveness is, we recognise that we can’t do anything else but forgive, for ourselves but also, because of how much forgiveness we have been given by God we are so humbled we want to forgive.
Thanks Sonja,
I wish we didn’t have to forgive so many, so often… but we need to realize forgiveness heals the wounds and wounds healed well give us gravatos – that’s a substance that draws people to us the way we are drawn to a loving Father… basically God’s in the business of making us more like Him.
Yep .. forgiveness means never allowing a perpetrator to hurt me again!
Checked out your site. You’re doing a great work online and downunder. Let’s keep in touch.
There’s another aspect to this that I rarely hear talked about. If we withhold forgiveness we create one of two major problems for ourselves. Either we hold a double standard in which we want forgiveness from God on the basis of grace while demanding that others earn forgiveness from us. Or to be consistent we try to earn our forgiveness from God by being sorry enough, promising to be good, etc. Either way, we impose a standard of law where grace is our true way of life. That is why refusing to forgive blocks receiving forgiveness from God.
Yes, I agree. That’s often what happens. I’m trying to focus on what they Bible says in this discussion, but what you bring up is great for us to reflect on in our own hearts.
I think I saw the article you have mentioned above, and I had the very same thoughts you did! Biblically, not only is it wrong to think we must wait to forgive until someone asks us to, but we are also jeapardizing our own forgiveness with the Father if we approach offenses in this manner. The Lord’s prayer asks God to forgive us as we forgive our debtors, which is directly applicable to the scripture you shared in your post.
Thanks for being a champion of truth.
Cheri
Cheri,
Thanks for your comments. Checked out your blog – love how you write. I’ll be linking you on my site. BTW – love the “reactions” plugin you have. I’ll need to look for that.