Do we ever need to forgive ourselves?
For a long time my response to this question was, “If the Father forgives me, who am I to hold a grudge?” But as I work with people I find increasingly that to move on in their relationship with God, they really do need to forgive themselves.
We can’t allow condemnation from the past to define our destiny. That authority to define our destiny is the Father’s alone.
Personally, I know if it wasn’t for the grace of God, I’d have a hard time forgiving myself for near-missed catastrophes. He’s kept me from doing a lot of harm. Thinking about the pain I might have caused people I know it can be difficult to forgive ourselves. But we must.
Forgiving yourself is much like forgiving another :
1. It’s a choice you make – a decision of your will.
2. You agree to live the consequences of your actions – meaning seek forgiveness of others if you can.
3. You leave yourself with God – knowing He’s good and in a good mood.
Choose to forgive yourself now…
Father, I feel the remorse for the pain I’ve caused. I don’t know if I can move on, but I choose to do because I know you’ve created me to fulfill the destiny you have for me. I choose to forgive myself for (name the event). I’m sorry it happened and You know the pain I feel for the pain I’ve caused. Lord, I have/will seek forgiveness from those I’ve hurt. Thank you for forgiving me.
In Christ there is no condemnation, so stop beating yourself up. Next time I’ll teach you how to deal with the emotions you may still have around the pain you’ve caused others.
Amen Bro! This is so true. I went through a major depressive time where I know Father forgave me, my wife forgave me and others forgave me; however, I could not shake this overwhelming guilt and condemnation. One day it hit me that everyone that loved me forgave me and wanted to move, but me. I couldn’t forgive myself because i deemed myself unloving; therefore, unforgivable. The moment I realize the only thing keeping me from drawing closer to the ones I loved, even God, was me. That moment revolutionized my relationship building and nurturing process. Thanks for sharing this. I needed the reminder.
“Do I need to forgive Myself?”
The answer is: only if you have ever taken advantage of someone else. And you will only do that if your love for that person is conditional. If you haven’t taken advantage of anyone (if you love everyone uncoditionally) then there is no need to forgive yourself.
Peter,
I’ve sent this to you by email but thought I’d post it here as well.
My only thought that might not line up with yours is that “unconditionally” is an oft used word that I can’t seem to find in the Bible. I know we’re to honor all people and let no debt remain outstanding but love and that we’re to “love always”. I’m personally challenged to stop using the word “love” except for people and God.
Thanks for sharing.
Trevor,
I was reading http://alcoholismspiritualrecovery.com/forgiveness.htm (although I am not an alcoholic, but have some other kind of ‘bondage’):
“…For when we are at our weakest if we look for guidance from God, we will find we are at our strongest. For through deflation of self, God can be the divinity of our will, thus turning our will over to the care of God.
First forgiveness, then love by grace: God’s will…..” Then I found your web site, and the post Do I Need to Forgive Myself?
Could you help me forgive myself for something within myself I am not clear about but which has all my life been…. while I was writing this sentence two words came into my mind: “withholding myself” . I never before came up with those words to describe my problem… People did tell me a few times: “It’s like you are continously trying to make up for something”. I wish I could more clearly explain what the problem is, but before I went on the internet I had asked God to please tell me what I should do, and self-forgiveness could be His answer. I still don’t know how to apply it. Perhaps it’s about releasing anger, ugly anger. It seems to be more than that, a kind of mechanism in my mind that gets triggered. I have even thought it might be a demon or some horrible reason for guilt or rebellliousness against entering life. If it had been more clear I would have probably been able to solve it by now!
I would understand you have no time, receiving all the emails etc. I don’t want to go to a psychiatrist!
Kind regards
Have you read my posts about overcoming sin?
http://revtrev.com/overcoming-sin/experience-the-life-of-an-overcomer/
http://revtrev.com/overcoming-sin/how-to-overcome-demonic-attacks/
http://revtrev.com/overcoming-sin/what-does-living-under-the-law-look-like/
Don’t know if those will help, but if you have more questions contact me and I’ll do up a complete blog post on my answer.
Trevor, I have read them now! Thank you for the useful information.
“…knowing who you are allows you to live up to what you’ve already attained.”
However, the living up part can be sooo hard!
How to overcome for example claustrophic reactions. By prayer alone? By deliverance? But who will help because doing it on one’s own can be tricky, can it not?