As human beings, we innately avoid pain. If you burn your hand on a hot stove your first instinct is to jump back and steer clear of it for relief. There are things that happen in our lives that cause emotional and psychological hurt. It could be related to our childhood, past relationships, father wounds, mother wounds, abuse, etc. Just like the hot stove analogy, these experiences can be so vexing that we choose to shun or suppress them.
OUT OF SIGHT DOESN’T MEAN OUT OF MIND
The problem is, when you have been emotionally and mentally wounded, the hurt and harm it causes just doesn’t dissipate. It’s like a child who thinks there’s a boogeyman in his room and hides under the covers. The fact is, if there were a boogeyman in the room, hiding under the covers doesn’t make the boogeyman leave. This seems funny and common sense, but we do it all the time. We hide the things from our past that have hurt us and expect it to vanish. Well, It doesn’t. As a matter of fact, it does the opposite.
THE SNOW BALL EFFECT
That thing that you don’t want to talk about, think about or face is what’s causing you the most damage and dysfunction in your life. When you cover up physical wounds, without giving it the proper sanitation and care, it causes the wound to become worse and spread. Eventually you will develop gangrene, and if that’s not addressed, you can actually die from infection. Inner wounds have the same affect on us. Untreated wounds become exacerbated, spread and eventually show up in other areas of your life. Not only will you be a wounded person, you will become a wounded spouse, parent, employee and Christian. You will carry those wounds into your family, ministry and it will affect your destiny. It will spread to your kids and become a generational wound. I’ve seen this in the lives many of my clients. I can recall a client that struggled with severe depression, one day she called me and said, “Pastor, I see it spreading to my two kids.”
THE BOOGEYMAN INSIDE OF ME
I’ve also experienced inner wounds in my life. As a child I was wounded by verbal abuse. In order to avoid the pain, I became isolated and introverted. By the time I was 13 I began to self medicate by smoking cigarettes, smoking weed and drinking (this is what I call a numbing mechanism). I was the class clown because I figured if I made people laugh they’d like me. There was one particular class that I would get kicked out every day. I didn’t realize I had an unaddressed wound and it was manifesting in other ways. Some believe time heals, however, mine were still there, growing and spreading like an infection within me. As I got older, I developed self hatred and became verbally abusive towards myself. I would say things to myself like, “you dummy,” “you’re stupid,” “you’re ugly,” “your nose is too big,” “you’re too skinny,” and “nobody likes you.” I became self conscious, lacked self efficacy and began to self sabotage. It wasn’t until adulthood that I realized how severe and crippling the wounds were. I remember getting my first bank job as a teller. I was afraid to speak to people, I wouldn’t look customers in the eye and was hypersensitive to anything people said to me. It was like a light bulb came on and I realized the wounds in my childhood were showing up in my adulthood and they were bigger and stronger than ever. The boogeyman wasn’t in my closet or under my bed, he was inside of me and I carried him everywhere I went.
I had to figure out how to get ride of it. It became clear to me that in order for me to be successful in my career, relationships and ministry, I had to deal with my inner wounds. Can you relate? Are you ready to be healed, delivered and set free? If you have not done so, subscribe so you can be informed of my next blog titled How To Healing Inner Wounds Part 1. You can also contact me for inner healing sessions.
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