Here’s a question I got from a reader. It’s one I see all the time when people pursue God’s call on their lives. I don’t have all the answers, but it’s certainly something I’ve thought about a lot.
Question:
What if you are sure God has given you direction in something that affects you and your spouse but your spouse thinks differently and won’t listen? Or worse, they think you are using God to manipulate or control them. Since going on a men’s weekend a few years ago, my husband is convinced I try to control him and resists most things I say! I know I am hearing and am afraid that what I consider to be his disobedience will affect our whole family in a negative way and impact my women’s ministry.
Answer:
This was one of my ministry coaching episodes, although I don’t know if I really answered it. I meet too many people who have a clear direction from God and no support from their spouse. I’ve seen the disasters that happen from it. I’ve never seen someone successful in ministry say, “I pulled my spouse along with me.”
The good news is this issue has been around since the Holy Spirit was given to all of us. It’s why Paul counsels:
I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (The Message)
However that does little to help us when we’re already married. We need to learn to deal with the “distractions” of married life.
If you see your spouse as in opposition to your call, then they will be. You need to be a team. You need to be united. It starts by understanding your spouse.
Have you read Bruce Wilkinson’s “The Dream Giver”? I bought a new copy of it when I started to re-build my library but I haven’t read it since it first came out. In it he talks about the opposition that comes from those closest to us when we start pursuing a dream. I’ve seen it in twisted forms like a wife giving an alcoholic husband a bottle of liquor when he starts showing up sober. She’s gotten used to the hellish situation and doesn’t know what to do when it changes so she unconsciously tries to keep things the way they were.
When our spouse is not in agreement with us there will be a natural resistance to the changes that happen. “Why are you always at church?” or “Do you have to be always giving?” “Why don’t we ever do anything together?” This is a resistance to change and not necessarily resistance to the things of God. You’ve get the same response if you started a new job with different hours that your spouse wasn’t really excited for you to have.
We do a disservice to our spouse when we spiritualize our ministry or destiny or calling and are surprised when they aren’t as excited about it as we are. We can easily think “they’re not spiritual enough” and start responding to them with that attitude. We can read things like Paul wrote and think, “Maybe I shouldn’t have married them.” or “Maybe I should have married someone else?” Rubbish. In most cases almost all the tension comes from a natural resistance to change.
You’re in a covenant with them before God. Start making use of that covenant relationship. It’s powerful when there’s agreement. Did you know there are only 3 places in scripture where God commands a blessing? Two of them are on our storehouse. The third is on our unity (Psalm 133). Instead of seeing our spouse as a hindrance for our God-given dream we need to understand the only God-honoring path to get to that dream is with our spouse.
So what can we do when we don’t agree? I’m assuming the spouse is a Christian. If they are a Christian:
- they know the Shepherd’s voice
- they have the Holy Spirit to lead them into truth
- they have the anointing that abides and teaches them all things
The same God that spoke to you is speaking to them. Be patient with them. Pray for them. They will clue in when God has a chance to speak to them. Consider the parable of the sower…
Jesus gave us the parable of the sower. He said:
“A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. He who has ears, let him hear.” Matthew 13:3-9
The disciples asked him what that meant and He told them:
“Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path.
The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away.
The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful.
But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”
This chapter is often taught as the gospel of salvation – that when people hear the news that Jesus came and died in our place to make a way for us to friends again with the Father by paying the price for our sins, and washing them away – that the parable of the seed explains why everyone does not respond.
But notice something here: Jesus was not talking about the gospel of salvation. He had not died, was not buried, did not yet rise from the dead. People didn’t have the understanding that all this must take place. Instead He was teaching about the Good News of the Kingdom. The Kingdom is wherever the King rules. So the seed Jesus is talking about is message of the rule of the Father. Every time the truth of the Word is taught, the seed is spread.
It’s the condition of our heart, not just the first time we hear about the love the Father has for us, but EVERY TIME we get the seed of the Word.
My wife has a way of saying “I told you so” when I finally clue into something. In fact, it’s becoming a joke with us. I hear a message and get all excited and tell her about it and she says, “Why weren’t you excited about it when I told you three years ago about it?” The answer is “My heart wasn’t ready to receive it then.” In fact, just yesterday she refrained from an “I told you so” when I said “Let’s pray about starting a web church”.
But it also happens with her. The other day she was excitedly telling me about this sermon she listened to – that she had to research because she had never heard it before – when I started to chuckle. She still denies hearing it the 3 times I’ve used it in sermons and I had to admit the book I thought I included it in is not yet published so I had to take back my “I wrote that in a book.”
God will get through to your spouse. You don’t need to tell them the condition of their heart is wrong. It’s the Holy Spirit’s job to convict. He will. Your responsibility is to:
Honor them.
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10 (New International Version)
Submit to them.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21 (New International Version)
Love them.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (New International Version)
But working through disagreement takes confrontation. I’ve done up a list of rules for fighting with honor. I’ve had some Canadian readers say I should change it to HONOUR so I can include “Understand the Other Person”. Maybe I should do that. I did it and here it is for you.
I hope that helps you working through this with your spouse. It really is an opportunity for you to grow closer and stronger together. There are great things in store for you. God’s entrusted you with much.
~ Trevor
This is a really hard subject for me! Everyone wants my husband to be involved in our church! Music, which I do with him. He leads Bible study Wednesday nights. Now the youth want him to lead them! I don’t want to stand in the way, but I don’t feel like God is calling me to this! I’m feeling so anxious and torn!
Dear Pastor,
I’ve been married for just 13 months. I knew from within my spirit right from the beginning of the relationship that he is not the one for me. God even confirmed it to me by the Holy Spirit. However, I still went through with the marriage honestly because I was ageing, and wanted to start giving birth because my biological clock was fast ticking and also because he was financially stable.
1. I knew his purpose, vision and values didn’t aligned with mine.
2. I’m a lover of God and have the call of God upon my life to go into Ministry. I have had opportunities to impact many lives and I know God calling me into Ministry will help me to do great. On the other hand, my husband has so many reservations about Christianity and is not even willing to seek God for himself. I knew this before the marriage.
3. Our values, beliefs, and ideologies are totally different. Our worlds and backgrounds are so different. We have no common interests. I don’t have passion for his interests and same with him. However, I do compromise sometimes because I know marriage is for the two and not one. He on the other hand wants me to accept him as he is.
4. I have God-given potentials and ideas but I don’t get the needed support from him when I share them with him. As someone who strives well by drawing energy from words of affirmations and motivations from close loved ones, I turn let go of many dreams.
5. I have passion in seeking after new and advanced knowledge to get myself upgraded. He is the opposite. As a sapiosexual, you knew it was going to be a big challenge.
6. Conversations turn into arguments because of these differences.
7. He tells I’m the woman for him but I cannot say same about him.
8. Aside these incompatibility, we both have our flaws which I know is normal in every relationship.
I’m not fulfilled because I’m not living my purpose. I’m always anxious and worked up because I feel my goals and potentials are underutilized in this journey. But I’ve already committed myself and not sure of what to do. Marriage is just 13 months no kids yet.
Is it too late for God to rescue me?
Yes, God will rescue you and won’t be late…but what if God create marriage to make us holy, not happy?
Do you have godly, trustable, caring people you can talk about this with? This is a long road, no matter what you decide to do. You need people–further down the road than you–to walk with you.
This blog touched my heart! It gives me hope. My husband and I are currently in Africa and said yes to a very clear calling to take over a children’s village from December 2024. First it was a yes but then the enemy tried to mislead by bringing chaos, board confusions, opinions about other people, and just so much nonsense… it made my husband take back his yes and it crumbles me. We have three more weeks to change our minds, we did have a conversation about it and I decided to honor him by explaining how this is my dream, how strongly I believe it is our season to say yes, but if he sticks to the opposite of yes, that I will follow him still. But with grief, and lots of pain on the loss of this so clear purpose. Then I asked is there even 1 procent hope for a change of your heart, meanwhile I was praying saying to God, that the one percent could be like a mustard seed to me. And my husband surprisingly said yes but then I need a miracle. I feel excited, yet hurt because I don’t want to create false hope, on the other hand: now it is still time to fight. What advice can you give me? Thank you so much, blessings from Malawi
Have you read the stories and comments that have come in over the years? I took some time to it and found out I really wanted to know how those stories ended. As I get older, I realize a couple of things… first, Since God is going to finish the good work He’s started in me…and I trust that…then I have to remember he will finish the good work in others. Secondly, have you heard my story about leaving our family, friends, future and finances on the altar? https://revtrev.com/about Years before God told me my main ministry was outside of Canada. At the time I assumed I had to leave. Now I preach a message in our church in Canada and in 24 hours more people see, hear and read it than I have ever preached to at one time. Most are outside of Canada. Know He’s going to finish the good work He’s started in you and know He does all things well, beyond what we can hope or imagine. Don’t be afraid to follow your spouse. You honour the Father to not forsake your first love. He will honour you.
Seek Christ first. Focus on HIM above all things. If God want you there He will do so much to keep you there. Meanwhile Lucifer will do EVERYTHING to destroy your marriage.
Agreed
Dear Pastor:
Before my wife and I ever met each other we were both called to the mission field, both of us spent time in Africa before we met. When we met God called us to Africa together, even our wedding invitation told people we were going into the mission field.
We both wanted to adopt before biologicals. We both wanted a minimum of 4 adopted. It was her idea to sell our home in the USA, so that we could fully focus on our ministry and our family in Africa.
We moved to Africa, I built a small house in a friend’s land while we prepared and purchased land for us to one day build our forever home. Our home was not perfect or private, but we had AC in our bedroom, hot and cold water, and electricity. I (the husband) was a hoarder and kept the house full of things that I might need in the future. I’m not very organized and I’m not very compassionate, I’m very straightforward and honest to my own detriment.
After 5.5 years in Africa we had Adopted 2 girls, had 1 biological and began fostering another 3 kids. Two of them were babies as we were planing on adopting. We had began changing lives of our comunity and 17-22 employees where we were their only source of income for their families.
Our monthly expenses to care for our household (20) and our employees (130) were $2,750 dollars a month. That is To feed 150 people and their needs every Month!!!
My wife got pregnant again and decided she wanted to give birth in the USA since I had been such a pain and incentive during her first birth. Basically I said “get over it woman, 8.5 billion people over the past 60 years have come to exist via this same exact situation. It’s nothing special”
Anyhow when My wife and our 3 legal kids landed in the USA 15 months ago. Upon arrival she asked for all the passwords of all of our investment savings… (totaling 187,000 dollars from the sale of our home). I gave her the passwords. To which she quickly moved 147,000 of that to her father’s bank accounts and the rest was locked for neither of us to be able to access.
She rented a 6,000 sq foot house for 2,900 dollars a month. For her, 2 girls and our two biological boys.
Her monthly expenses are $8,140 dollars a month… including free healthcare and free food stamps since we have been unemployed for the past 6 years.
1-God told me before I left the USA that I would never come back to the USA, I made that clear to everyone including her and my family.
2.- I do NOT believe this extravagant lifestyle she is living and teaching our kids is God honoring.
3.- I have Never used a single cent of donations contributions to her lifestyle in the USA, in fact we have spent aprox 85,000 of our life savings in Africa
4.- she has abandoned her commitment to the 3 other children we care for.
5.-The 2 adopted ones were ONLY given to us by the family and the government under the condition that they would grow up in their language and with their culture, where the biological family could easily visit them.
6.- she has threatened to divorce stating that I have abandoned and neglected the family unless we live in the USA
7.- her father is buying her a 840,000 dollar house in a gated neighborhood.
I cannot compete with the USA or her father/mother financially.
God did not ask me to go back to the USA, He simply said Trust ME.
I flew to the USA 8 months ago and now our friends, family and relatives are implying that for me to go back to Africa would be a SIN…
I don’t feel the Holy Spirit convicting me to stay in the USA. All I see are the faces of the 3 kids we are still responsible for waiting for us back there.
I have been praying for Wisdom beyond understanding, and for God to open and close doors according to HIS will.
My wife will soon run out of money. I feel like staying in the USA only enables more of this uncharacteristic behavior.
Pray for us, and tell me what you think! One should get the counsel of many before marching into war.
I feel we need to use this verse to line up with God’s wisdom…
James 3:17 NLT
But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favouritism and is always sincere.
Have you both gone together for counselling?
Yes, A licensed counselor in the USA, and a Missionary couple in Africa that we communicate via WhatsApp video.
My wife states truly that she could have lived in Africa for the rest of her life had it not been for me. And hence she cannot return to Africa because it has become my Idol.
I have less than 1000 dollars to my name, and still in charge of employment wages and remotely feeding and caring for our 3 foster children.
I have become the villain in this story, In all honesty, I dont mind. I know that God knows my heart. I know that God called us to Africa, and we made commitments to the biological family that our children would grow up there.
Strangely, I am at peace.
Hi, my husband feels called to pastor, however, we have six children and recently we discovered some inappropriate behavior from our oldest child with a stranger online. I have expressed my concern to my husband that now is not the time to start a church from the ground up and how we need to wait and focus on raising our children and join an already thriving church ministry with a strong focus on family and youth. My husband feels differently and thinks I am not being a supportive wife. I need wisdom please.
Are you praying together? Prayer that starts with thanksgiving and blessing has a way of changing how we think about a situation, even if the prayer doesn’t change the situation. I’m praying for you both. Agreement is so essential.
Hello
I believe and know that I do have a calling in serving God. It has been 13 years since I have been called into Ministry but till today I still haven’t started and going through a lot, my marriage for 12 years is on the verge of collapsing. I have faced opposition from family and my husband regarding my calling and no one believes I have a calling. For me it is not about them believing me but it is the constant fighting and unhealthy relationships that has imaged. I struggled to go bible college cause I am constantly reminded how evil how my character doesn’t match one who is called. 2021 after going through a lot because of not obeying God’s call I decided to enroll only to stop in April after finding out my husband has been cheating. Sometimes I get so confused regarding the call sometimes I would want to think maybe I heard God wrong. But deep inside I know God has called me. My husband has told me it is better we divorce because are spirituality is different. I am believing God for a miracle even though it is all chaos around me. I tried seeking counseling and speaking to family and friends but nothing seems to help and I believe God himself wants to do it his way. At the moment I am confused whether to keep fighting for my marriage or let it go and focus on my calling. But at the same time I don’t think with a divorce on my name and what I believe have been called for will work.
I don’t know now I am confused and heartbroken.
I’m praying for you. I don’t know what you’re going through, and realize it’s so tough. It’s been by the grace of God AND MY WIFE I’ve been able to carry on myself. In your confusion and broken-heartedness you still need to seek God…which is what I think you’re doing to find this article through Google. Here’s a tool I shared last week –
How to seek the Lord when you don’t know what to do tool
TRUST
T – Take time to wait for the Lord 2 Chronicles 20:13
Have you taken the time to wait for the Lord?
R – Remember to listen for your encouragement 2 Chronicles 20:15
Have you waited long enough to get encouragement from him?
U – Understand you need to obey 2 Chronicles 20:16-17
Will you obey what He tells you to do?
S – Surrender fear – Praise before the victory and show gratitude before the blessing
2 Chronicles 20:18-21
Have you chosen to praise him before your answer?
T – Thank God for what He does! 2 Chronicles 20:25-26
Do you rejoice always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances?
If Yes to all, then you TRUST Him.
Check out the verses and the story I draw this from. Hear from God to know what to do in your situation…even the next step on the way out of the confusion. He’ll never contradict the written word. Has your husband repented from cheating? If there’s no repentance, there is no reason to stay. Your husband’s actions don’t decide or negate your calling. God will make something beautiful out of this mess if, our role is to strengthen ourselves in Him, seek Him and find Him and avoid bitterness.
Glad to have found this post and your TRUST tool. I shared my God given vision with my wife today and she is anxious and doesn’t seem to trust God in me but trust God in her. My call is clear and now I’m trying to communicate with her but trust Spirit it will restore us and bring us back together in unity through prayer and patience
Praying for you both.
OMG! THIS IS MY STORY! LORD HELP ME !
I am also in a difficult scenario. i have always heard the calling of God to serve in ministry. We used to go together to a main line church when we got married with my husband. Now as i want to answer the call of God to serve in a Pentecostal church my husband disapproves of it. He insists that i serve in that main line church which is very difficult because of different beliefs. It is really straining me and I’m not sure of what to do
I’m praying for you. It might be good for both of you to seek out a good marriage counsellor who understands enough theology and church history to see the issue between both of you. Is there a specific church you feel called to or is it a particular denomination? The reason I ask is that I’ve served in a number of different denominations and fellowships. For me, I fit in places that are irenic – (adjective FORMAL aiming or aimed at peace.) Meaning I need to agree with the major things, but give and find grace on the debateable things. I’ve enjoyed the interaction with different flavours of Christianity. A good counsellor can help you and your husband figure out why both of you are so set on one path for you. I hope you find his concern is FOR you. I know you think he’s simply against you. I pray for peace for you. May you have peace at all times and in every situation.
I do have the Same issue and need help.
You can connect with me on https://TrevorLund.com and scrolling down to the bottom.
Please I am pastor Jeremie from burundi I have great problem on this and I need help I have been agreement with her before and we worked so hard and after she started stoping have prayer later on if we meet any challenge she say if you where not in ministry this could have not be like this so on so on most of time if we have need of money so she use to say nobody can be called by God and have hard time some me to I will be angry and rebuke her harshly I think I need you Email so you can help me
Jeremie, One of the things I had to learn is the call to be a pastor isn’t necessarily a call to be paid as a pastor. I’ve heard God’s audible voice tell me “You’re a pastor.”
Why don’t I worry about that being my main source of income now?
Because I know I’m a pastor in whatever I do. I can’t get away from it in any job I do.
I know too many people with calls on their life FORGET their first call is to not fall away from their first love – Both their love of God AND their love for their spouse. When you cannot be in right relationship with your spouse, you cannot be in right relationship with your God.
Take the time to serve your spouse, and if that means receiving your income outside the church don’t fear that God won’t finish the good work He’s started in you.
May Holy Spirit empower you to accomplish every good work prompted by your faith and you be like Christ and lay down your life for those you love.
I’ve seen Him do incredible things when people lay down their plans.
I am here because I have been seeking God on this very subject. For almost two years we’ve been going through a challenging time (I and my wife). It’s been wilderness season for us. Before we knew what God was doing, we really went through very frustrating times and everything was collapsing all around us until I was led to a prophetic ministry online. This is where I received a message that to some extent opened our eyes.
We both agreed that God must have been preparing us for something during the wilderness season but we were yet to discover what it was. A few months ago I received the revelation of the direction God was calling me to go, but when I communicated that to my wife everything changed ever since. She things am just being ambitious and selfish.
However, the message had warned me about people close to me that would be ‘a drag to my vision’ and that I should follow the direction of God as I continue pursuing what God has called me to do, then God will go to work in their lives but not to wait for them to agree with my vision.
This has been really challenging because things have shifted since, am still trying to develop a business direction that will play a part in ministerial calling (I believe that is what God is leading me to do). On the other hand my wife decided to ‘opt out’ she is actually looking for a job for me because she believes I am neglecting my family (she got back to employment only 4 months ago).
I know this is a new season (that’s what God has been communicating to me) and am supposed to launch my ministry ‘without’ her support. Recently, she actually gave me an ultimatum of 15 days that if I don’t change my direction, I should leave her.
Although I am sure whose voice to listen to, I am still confused because I have been praying for her to get a revelation but it seems that is not God’s plan (at least not at the moment).
I think that we should take time to pray for our partners and gently communicate our callings to them, but at the same time be careful not to lag behind unnecessarily because of stubbornness (which is pride).
*I don’t think the 12 disciples had enough time to establish agreements with their spouses before following Jesus.
I don’t want to make assumptions, but I do have to remind you that our first ministry is to our family. Marriage isn’t to make us happy, it’s about making us holy. You won’t be missing God’s timing if you learn to keep in step with your spouse. Learn to love, it will serve you well.
Great advise! Jesus said that the greatest commandment was love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. It is also stated clearly that you shall first seek the Kingdom of God and all things will be added to you.
I also remember two examples of couples that surely needed to make the tough decisions on ‘loyalty’. One is Lot and mrs Lot, when the BIG call came, Lot decided to follow the Lord’s call and ignore the wife who decided to look back.
The other example is Anania and his wife Saphira. Although, they somehow loved the Lord it seemed obvious that their deepest loyalty was to each other and that destroyed them.
My point is this: When God calls, go regardless of who decides to follow. Of course you should take time to inform your partner (especially) but this should not be a prerequisite on whether to accept or reject the calling. Look up Luke 14:16 also
Amen to that. I’ve spent 25 years being patient with my husbands fears and concerns and I feel like I’ve missed out on so many beautiful opportunities to do more with God. I’m too old to wait longer. My husband always has an excuse as to why this is not a good time to move forward with God. Counseling had not worked. I feel God sayings “it’s time to run” and I’m not going to ignore that. We only get one chance on this planet and I’ll always honor my marriage but I cannot allow my husband to be a stumbling block in my path with God. I don’t want to regret not having done more with and for God. Why settle mediocrity when God has so much greater purpose for us. We have to love those around us but we must listen to and obey God or we will not experience the fullness of working with him and trusting him.
About 2 years ago God started giving me dreams. About how I should change my life. For the better I’ve shared them with my husband but he doesn’t support me. I keep telling them that I think I should start a non-profit to help the needy. My life is so busy and crazy. Disorganized and out of control my husband is never around and works way too much. His number one priority is work. I don’t know what to do I just want to leave. He tells me to quit making threats about leaving. So finally I just left. I always come back the next day. But I don’t want to come back this time. I feel as if my children and my husband have no respect for me. Why would God give me these dreams and visions. When I know it will never come to reality. I told my husband maybe we should do something together to help others. He says his vision and goal is nothing. I thought on Earth we were supposed to tell other people about Christ . I am so disappointed in my marriage. And my children hate me. How can I do anything for anyone else well my life is out of control. I just give up.
I’ve replied to this inside Live LIGHT Friends on Facebook in Episode 0005 of The Living LIGHT Show called 4 Tips for Living in Abundance. You’ll need to apply to join the group, but I know the community in there will help you on this journey. Find it at https://revtrev.com/friends
I still struggle with my husbands decision to become a pastor we have been married almost41 years and this calling happened about 4 years ago. I asked him to wait because I knew there were health issues, our relationship was not right and we had come from a church that had folded because of decisions made by that pastor. He went on and started the church and it has been disastrous to this marriage ever since. He still doesn’t listen to me and does what he wants and I have gone with him some but I went to a church where my daughter and her family goes one Sunday and he was very angry with me and was verbally abusive I have not been back to church with him nor will I until there is healing in this marriage. But as it stands now I have no desire or peace about going with him and am not sure what direction I need to go.
Is there anyone in your organization that can help you? Your issue sounds like a marriage one, not a ministry one. I know focus on the family has counseling services for clergy, at least they do in Canada. I can’t say anything more in such a short comment. Thank you for trusting me with it and know when I say, “I’m praying for you”, I truly am praying for you. Guard your heart. Pray for God to change your heart or his.
So what if you told your wife everything in detail and she agreed to supporting you in your call until marriage and then changed her mind immediately after marriage?
Your commitment to God is seen in your commitment to others…especially your wife. You need to trust God is going to work your call in HIS timing, not yours. Look at Joseph and what he had to go through until he saw his dream from God fulfilled.
If you can truly love your wife and forgive her, you’ll be way better prepared to lead others to do the same.
DO NOT be like so many preachers who think their call from God supersedes their commitment and promises. God is faithful to us even if we’re not faithful to Him. You need to be the same to your wife even though you feel betrayed by her.
When your spouse does not agree with God’s Call, this is strange, your spouse religious attitude must have been changed by something extremely hard. Keep loving them, and they will get to the right path.
Amen.